1. Notes: 815 / 9 hours ago  from yukariabe (originally from inspired-for-lifee)
     
  2. Notes: 1777 / 9 hours ago  from fuckyeahdessert (originally from bakeddd)
    bakeddd:

strawberry cake with lemon butter cream icing
click here for recipe

    bakeddd:

    strawberry cake with lemon butter cream icing

     
  3. Notes: 153981 / 9 hours ago  from ilovecharts (originally from fucktonofanatomyreferences)
  4. Notes: 1 / 2 days ago 

    My thoughts on 50 Shades of Grey

    So I tried to read 50 Shades of Grey to see just how bad it was. Here are just ten of my comments about the first few chapters (before I gave up on it and clicked the x on my browser):

    [1] “I know nothing about him,” I murmur, trying and failing to suppress my rising panic.

    Here’s the thing. If you tell me you’re failing to suppress your rising panic, I would imagine your voice would be shrill and absolutely bad for my eardrums. I don’t think MURMUR is the right word for this. If the author had used, say, something like croaked or even simply complained, then I won’t have a problem with this sentence.

    This is just one example, but you can probably imagine how the rest of the writing goes.

    [2] Contractions. Now, this is just a personal thing of mine, but I am used to NOT using contractions in all of my formal and literary writing because of what my high school grammar teachers taught us. I’m not saying EL James is wrong in using contractions in non-dialogue (Fortunately, Kate’s lent me her sporty Mercedes CLK.), but I just really don’t like it. Which is sad because even Mercedes Lackey uses contractions. But I guess since Lackey is actually a good writer as compared to James, her writing doesn’t look as bad to me.

    I am also aware that there’s this debate thing about when to use or not use contractions. Like some people are saying it’s either you use contractions consistently for all your dialogues and non-dialogues or you don’t use them at all,  while some say it’s fine to use them in dialogues but not for non-dialogues. Personally, I’m with the latter. I don’t know, I just think if you don’t use contractions in dialogue it makes it seem too practiced. I mean, people normally use it in conversation after all.

    [3] Don’t get me started on the “double crap”.

    [4] The consistent jumping between scenes. I mean, some scenes do not even last a page. It’s like I’m being made to read a fast-forwardish account of the protagonist’s life. Not to mention the conclusion of each scene is blah. Too abrupt an end, and then suddenly in the next paragraph we’re in a new day in the timeline of the story.

    [5] And from a very tiny, underused part of my brain – probably
    located at the base of my medulla oblongata where my subconscious dwells – comes the thought: he’s here to see you.

    Okay. Two things in this sentence. Number one: beginning the sentence with “and”. I thought we all learned this in high school?

    Number two: at the base of her medulla oblongata, really? Trying too hard to sound intellectual with the use of too many big words does not make a piece any more interesting or a better read.

    [6] You don’t cry over a guy at your third meeting. Okay? Especially when the only forms of interaction you’ve had were 1) an interview, 2) him entering the hardware store you work in to buy possibly-BDSM-related paraphernalia, and 3) a photoshoot and some coffee time.

    [7] Chapter 3: “Ana, there’s something about him.” Her tone is full of warning. “He’s gorgeous, I agree, but I think he’s dangerous. Especially to someone like you.”

    Chapter 4: “Yeah… he’s a little out of my league Kate,” I say as dryly as I can manage.
    “What do you mean?”
    "Oh Kate, it’s obvious." I whirl round and face her as she stands in the kitchen door-way.
    "Not to me," she says. "Okay, he’s got more money than you, but he’s got more money than most people in America!"
    “Kate he’s– ” I shrug.
    “Ana! For heaven’s sake – how many times must I tell you? You’re a total babe,” she interrupts me. Oh no. She’s off on this tirade again

    Oh, seriously? One chapter you were telling her the guy was bad for her, and then you’re egging her crush on the next? Consistency, woman.

    [8] I am beginning to feel nauseous, my head is
    spinning uncomfortably, and I’m a little unsteady on my feet.

    Well, no elaboration needed there. A writer who uses “nauseous” to describe someone who’s nauseated?

    [9] Oh, he’s affected all right – and my very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba.

    My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves

    My inner goddess sits in the lotus position looking serene except for the
    sly, self-congratulatory smile on her face.

    What the FUCK is her freaking small inner goddess? I have no words, absolutely no words.

    [10] “Don’t worry,” he breathes, his eyes on mine, “You expand too.”

    He’s my very own Christian Grey flavor popsicle.

    Let’s just say I find a number of the imagery used to describe their coitus are disturbing, to say the least.

  5. Notes: 567 / 2 days ago  from lightspeedsound
    A How to Guide to Writing Smut (Or, how we all know you're a virgin who's writing slashfic)

    lightspeedsound:

    [NOW, WITH HILARIOUSLY BAD EXAMPLES OF WHAT YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER DO]

    A down and dirty guide to writing the down and dirty: 

    PART 1:  SETTING THE SCENE: 

    1.  Bear in mind that if you are writing PWP fanfic, most of your readers will probably mostly skip until they get to the sexy bits.  

    This is because M-rated fanfiction are for lonely fan peoples who are sexually frustrated after watching OR reading how sexually charged their favorite ‘ship is.  Or, you’re writing an original adult fanfic.  In which case, OF COURSE THEY ARE READING IT FOR THE SEX IT IS ESSENTIALLY EROTICA AT THIS POINT OK?  That being said, keep the intro to a minimum.  This is smut. Your readers probably clicked on it because they saw the pairing and you mentioned what type of sex you were going to put the ‘ships through, with your warning labels.  

    2.  If you are writing smut, unless your sex scene focuses in on a piece of clothing, there is NO NEED FOR A REALLY LONG AND LENGTHY DESCRIPTION OF THE CHARACTER’S CLOTHING.  

    This is particularly true of a one-shot. If you’re writing a pwp one-shot, chances are, your viewers do not give a fuck about how the mary sue OP is wearing a designer Christian Dior scarf and is carrying a gucci leather bag, unless said mary sue is going to use the scarf for bondage and pull out something sexy out of the gucci bag, like a whip, or warming oils.  And even then:  keep it to two sentences or less.  If you have an entire paragraph describing some random OC’s amazing fashion sense, people will hit control + f and search for something like “mouth” because that’s when we know the action is going to start.

    3.  If you are writing dialogue, please read it out loud first before you post.  Otherwise, readers will probably get turned off by weirdly unnatural phrasing and excessive use of dash marks and ellipses. Also, avoid the word “said.” 

    Ex.: She pushed her hair back and sat down on the bed.  ”Hi Harry.” said Fleur.

    Harry looked very frightened.  ”H-h-h-hi Fleur.” He said,” What is going on?”

    Fleur bemusedly arranged her Christian Dior mini skirt and flicked her veela blonde hair back. As she crossed her legs and tapped a red miu-miu strappy sandal-clad foot, she said,  ”Oh….nothing….I was just wondering if you could help me with my magical music class homework.  I am supposed to figure out how to properly use my diaphragm!”

    Harry turned bright red, “I…I…I am a virgin!” Harry squeaked, “I don’t really know how to use a diaphragm!”

    Fleur laughed, “oh, haha harry! That is not what I meant! I meant your ANATOMICAL DIAPHRAGM! You are SUCH a good speaker, I thought you would realize that!”

    Part 2: the Foreplay

    4.  Refrain from excessive first person inner monologues.  Especially ones concerning a) how turned on a character is  and b) how sexy the other character(s) is/are. 

    Because, let’s face it. People read smut and PWP to be turned on.  And there is nothing more unappealing than canned horniness.

    Bad example: Giles looked at Willow, giving her the once over.  She’s grown so much in the past couple years, he thought.  Just look at how her skin glows with her new confidence and magic!  She’s left off her sweater vests and gone for something sexy…how I miss those sweater vests, and yet…is my little Willow actually HOT now? Oh dearie me, whatever shall I do?  I cannot control these unseemly urges anymore.  I MUST tell her how I feel…and perhaps…”feel things out”? 

    5.  On a related note, puns, while hilarious, are not particularly sexy…especially if they are bad and awkward and obvious.  

    If I see a quotation mark around something that is not dialogue in a PWP fic, I immediately skip over the entire sentence, in order to stop being turned on. 

    Bad Example:  John raised his eyebrow at Sherlock’s incessant texting.  ”Sherlock,” he drawled, “Really, is Irene’s phone set to “vibrate?” 

    Sherlock raised his eyebrow, “I beg your pardon, John, but I don’t have time for your immature sexual japes at the moment. I have a case to solve.”

    John’s eyes dropped to Sherlock’s long and delicate finger, quickly and efficiently moving over the touchscreen keyboard of his smartphone.  ”rawr,” he thought, I’ wish he would “finger” my “keys.”  Or perhaps…lick my “Blackberry….”

    Part 3:  The actual smut


    1.  Repeat after me:  ”tumescent” is not sexy. “TUMESCENT” is NOT SEXY!

    We know you’re a virgin if you are hesitant about saying the names of actual sexy bits on a person, and if you are insistent on using ridiculous adjectives and analogies to describe really simple PIV/anal sex.  For instance, if you writ something along the lines of: 

    Briar ran his hands down Tris’s exquisite fleshy globes, stopping to circle each little tiny pink mountain peak with his thumbs.

    "Oh Briarrrr," purred Tris, fingers encircled around his tumescent man spear, "that feels like Christmas!" 

    A rain of womanly juice ran down Tris’s thigh.  ”Who’s the weather witch now, eh….Coppercurls?” whispered Briar. 


    2.  Please refrain from inner dialogues mid-coitus.  They are distracting, and generally really awkward.  

    And generally, they are only used when somebody is shocked that something feels so good. And that is just cliche.  Given we are reading a sex scene, it is a hopeful given that the characters are turned on by the hanky panky. 

    Bad example: 

    Screaming in passion, Foaly rammed his huge horse cock into Holly’s dripping cunt.  Grabbing on to a chair to keep her balance, Holly’s body spasmed in orgasm.  ”Oh, Foaly, this feels so good!” she moaned.  Inside, she thought, “Oh, I hope Caballine doesn’t find out! ON the other hand, I guess this is what they mean when they say hung like a stallion—-OH MY GOD HE’S CUMMING INSIDE ME.”

    "Yeah, take it like a filly, Holly," Foaly moaned, "and keep my aluminum foil hat on. I want another round." 

    3.  Please make sure you are not over-using personal pronouns, particularly if we have a three-some or more-some going on.  

    This is classic writing, and applies to everything, not just smut.  But if you are writing a scene involving more than one person of a gender pronoun, please make sure you make it clear what is going on.  Otherwise, people will not be turned on.  They will not be saying “Oh, how hot.” They will be saying, “what the FUCK is going on?”

    Bad example: 

    "Oh wolverine!" Jane moaned, "you really DO have regenerative powers!"

    "That’s right baby," said wolverine, flipping Jane on her back and grabbing Storm, who was floating in the air, "Now who wants to test my stamina?"

    "I do! I do!" she moaned, grabbing his penis and also the headboard, "and I want her to lick my pussy too!"

    "Oh my god!" yelled Cyclops who happened to walk by, "this scene is ridiculously confusing and where are everybody’s hands?" 


    4.  Finally, a list of unsuitable sexy bit adjectives and nouns that you should not use:

    in general, please refrain from using the terms “man spear,” “magic wand,” “hose,” “puckered black hole,” “thing,” or “cream.” 

    Also please refrain from using the terms, “delicate flower,” “sex,” “moist nether region,” and “hole.”  Or any fun and exotic adjectives you think fit, because you’re writing POCS. 

    Please also refrain from using “globes,” “melons,” “flesh sacs,” or any variation of the term “milk jugs.” 

    Bad example: Shang licked Mulan’s sopping wet flower, moaning at the taste of her sex.  

    "Oh Shang," Mulan moaned, "Give me your man spear, now! I want your thing inside my hole!"

    "Oh yeah, baby," Shang grunted, positioning his cock to enter Mulan’s lotus blossom of eternal joy, "I’ll show you how to be a man!" 

    ———-

    have fun!

    Remember, proofread, ignore the trolls, and experiment! 

    Smut fiction is about having gratuitous amounts of sexual entertainment.  

    Let the shipping begin!

    In relation to my most recent reblog before this one.

  6. Notes: 256890 / 2 days ago  from potatoesdopotate (originally from jlbeattys)

    jlbeattys:

    50 shades of shut the fuck up about this book i’ve read better smut written by virgin teenagers for free

  7. Notes: 2 / 3 days ago 
    "All right, check out this bad boy. 12 megabytes of RAM, 500 megabyte hard drive, built-in spreadsheet capabilities, and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS."— Chandler Bing, Friends 02x08
Well, haven’t we come a long way since 1995. Haha.

    "All right, check out this bad boy. 12 megabytes of RAM, 500 megabyte hard drive, built-in spreadsheet capabilities, and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS."— Chandler Bing, Friends 02x08

    Well, haven’t we come a long way since 1995. Haha.

     
  8. Notes: 1 / 6 days ago 
    Rurouni Kenshin, round 2. <3

    Rurouni Kenshin, round 2. <3

     
  9. Notes: 18957 / 1 week ago  from baratrodelcaos (originally from sweetbabyblue05)
    Reblogging again because strawberry.
If only it weren&#8217;t so pink. Maybe if it were red I&#8217;d like it more. Haha.

    Reblogging again because strawberry.

    If only it weren’t so pink. Maybe if it were red I’d like it more. Haha.

    (Source: sweetbabyblue05)

     
  10. Notes: 3 / 1 week ago 
    Because one can never have too much Kenshin.
The tangibles:Tsuioku Hen episodes 1-4 VCDs (oh yes, you read that right&#8230; that&#8217;s VCD&#8230; you can tell just how long I&#8217;ve been fangirling on Kenshin)Seisou Hen VCDsIshin Shisi no Requiem VCDsThe first live-action movie DVDThe Japanese manga (new, more-compact release&#8230; Only 14 volumes)An artbook
The soft-copies:Meiji Kenkaku Romantan the series (obvs&#8230; in dual audio and in purely English dubs)Tsuioku Hen episodes 1-4Seisou HenShin Kyoto Hen episodes 1-2Manga scanlations (original, volumes 1-24 plus extras)
I once had soft-copies of the anime movie (Ishin Shishi no Requiem) and the live-action movie, but my external had to be reformatted and I lost them. Not to worry, I will download copies by today. HOHO!

    Because one can never have too much Kenshin.

    The tangibles:
    Tsuioku Hen episodes 1-4 VCDs (oh yes, you read that right… that’s VCD… you can tell just how long I’ve been fangirling on Kenshin)
    Seisou Hen VCDs
    Ishin Shisi no Requiem VCDs
    The first live-action movie DVD
    The Japanese manga (new, more-compact release… Only 14 volumes)
    An artbook

    The soft-copies:
    Meiji Kenkaku Romantan the series (obvs… in dual audio and in purely English dubs)
    Tsuioku Hen episodes 1-4
    Seisou Hen
    Shin Kyoto Hen episodes 1-2
    Manga scanlations (original, volumes 1-24 plus extras)

    I once had soft-copies of the anime movie (Ishin Shishi no Requiem) and the live-action movie, but my external had to be reformatted and I lost them. Not to worry, I will download copies by today. HOHO!

     
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Hi.

Bye.
 
 

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